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Want The New Year To Be A Better Year? Deal With Your Fears And Take Action!


Want The New Year To Be A Better Year? Deal With Your Fears And Take Action!

Make The New Year A Better Year

How To Deal With Your Fears

“Use the losses and failures of the past as a reason for action, not inaction.” ~ Charles J. Givens

The Common Condition of Feeling “Stuck”


In my experiences as a coach, I have found a common thread through many of the people I have coached over the years. One of the key variables in their life was a sense of feeling “stuck.”

In some cases, they had made a decision to change their current life situation and were seeking guidance in moving forward. They wanted help to explore their options and navigate the transition. And in other cases, people felt that they couldn’t make a decision, and needed help in figuring out why, and then exploring their options in moving forward. Some needed help in fostering personal or professional growth, wanting to learn the requisite skills needed to manage a challenging work or home situation.

The Common Condition of Fear

In many cases, there was a sense of paralysis due to fear. Fear can be manifested in many different ways unique to the individual’s past. What follows, are some examples.

There is a fear of making the wrong decision and of failure. There is a fear of wasting time. There is a fear of wasting money. There is a fear of trusting the wrong person. There is a fear that they are not good enough. There is a fear of being judged as not competent. There is a fear of not being genuine. There is a fear of not being lovable. There is even the fear of success.

What we discover in our work together, is that we all have these fears, and the difference between people who are successful and happy, and those who are not is how they manage these fears.


“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.” ~ W. Clement Stone


Breaking Through Fears-Step 1

One of the first steps in breaking through fears, these barriers to success, is to become aware of your fears. Nothing brings me more pleasure than the moment when my clients have a realization as to the fears that are holding them back. These fears are often buried behind core beliefs stemming from some event or events in their past. Once people can take the time to see the connection- they begin to realize the only way to break through that fear is by taking action.


Realize That It Is Okay To Fail- Step 2

There are many examples throughout history where individuals took a risk and failed multiple times before finally succeeding. Some noted personalities include Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, Abe Lincoln, Steven Spielberg, Mozart, Elvis Presley, Michael Jordan and many others.

I recently listened to a podcast of a man named Michael Massimino who had a dream to become an astronaut. To that end, he went to college at MIT, graduated with a Master of Science in mechanical engineering and a Master of Science in technology and public policy in 1988. He even interned at NASA but even though he applied, he kept being rejected by NASA each time he sought entry to the program to be an astronaut. After the third rejection, he gave up and began teaching at Georgia Tech. Eventually, he applied to NASA for a fourth time before he finally got accepted in 1996. He ended up working on two Space Shuttle missions, servicing the Hubble Space Telescope (HST) and fulfilling his dream to become an astronaut. http://themoth.org/posts/stories/a-view-of-the-earth


Reflect and Readjust; Is A Mistake Really A Mistake: Step 3

“Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing.” ~Eckhart Tolle

While we hope that it does not take four tries to succeed at some goal, we can learn something from each time we fail so that we can refine our approach, our action steps, to eventually reach that goal. One thing that is important to remember is that if we believe that it is okay to fail we are more apt to take measured risks, and with those risks we can reap rewards, whereas if we take no action, there is almost no chance for success.


Best Practices For Taking Action For Success in the New Year

Whether you use a coach, a therapist, a mentor, family member, group, or friend- it is important that you take the following steps for success:


  • Have an accountability partner with whom you can share your progress and challenges.
  • Be as specific and measurable as possible in your action steps.
  • Set realistic timeframes for your actions
  • Have the flexibility to adjust actions and goals as the situation warrants
  • Build in some sort of reward or reinforcement for yourself; both in terms of thoughts as well as actions
  • Be honest with yourself and make a regular time to evaluate your progress


Deal With Your Fears

By taking a different and courageous approach in 2016- you can break through feelings of being stuck, and finally realize that there is nothing that you cannot accomplish if you set your mind to it. If you would like help with this journey-schedule a no obligation coaching session with Wayne Kessler to begin to deal with your fears and discuss whether coaching makes sense for you.

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